


of bruised brains and dog baths

by ohthelinsanity



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Humor, just a bunch of fluff, post series but like fuck the canon you feel me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-08 00:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4283199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohthelinsanity/pseuds/ohthelinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sakura hits her head, Naruto's her lackey, and Sasuke's name might be Sai. Sure, her concussion's making everything a but wonky but at least she knows Kakashi's probably still a tease.</p>
            </blockquote>





	of bruised brains and dog baths

**Author's Note:**

> cross-posted from ffnet

"Need a favor."

Naruto looks up from his desk, ramen noodles hanging out of one side of his mouth, and regards his old teammate with curiosity. Sasuke didn't really ask for favors. "Uh, yeah? What's up?"

His one arm points far off in the direction beyond the window, towards the training grounds. "Sakura needs a lift."

"Sakura…needs a lift," he repeats back, not really getting what Sasuke is trying to say. Eyes narrowed, he puts on his best skeptical face and says, "If this is another trick for me to rearrange her apartment I'm not doing it because we both know she's the strongest and can lift that stuff herself." He slurps loudly on a bundle of noodles. "Besides, I stubbed my toe, like, five times on her armoire. That thing is sentiment."

"I think you mean sentient," Sasuke corrects blandly. "And she's injured."

Naruto chokes on a bit of his ramen, coughing for a good fifteen seconds before he gets it all down. "What?! What do you mean she's injured?"

"Injured. Hurt. In need of medical care. Can't—"

"I get it, I get it!" Naruto hisses, flinging a noodle Saskue's way. He dodges it with ease. "What happened? Why doesn't she just…heal herself?"

Sasuke shrugs. "She hit her head. Hasn't woken up yet."

_"_ _She's unconscious!?"_

"Yeah, I told you she was injured."

Naruto groans, smacking his hand to his forehead. "And you just left her out there in the middle of the field, alone and unconscious?"

Sasuke scoffs. "Don't be ridiculous. I left her with a genin." Unbelievable. "Now," he lifted his one hand up and waved it limply. "I can't exactly carry her to the goddamn hospital so would you  _mind_ going to go get her?"

He scoots out of his chair dramatically, legs screeching against the wooden floors. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. I gotta do everything around here."

"That's kinda why they made you Hokage."

"Shut up."

 

* * *

 

By the time Naruto makes it to the training grounds, Sakura starts to wake up.

He takes the wet cloth the genin (who had hightailed it right out of there as soon as Naruto was in sight) had put on Sakura's forehead and starts to smack her cheeks back and forth, hoping to get a response out of her. She moves and wiggles around, groaning and moaning, but she doesn't open her eyes.

"Wake up, girly," Naruto coos, wringing out the cold cloth and letting water drip on her face; Sakura wrinkles her nose in response, finally moving enough to swipe the droplets of water off her face.

She opens one eye first, sees that it's Naruto, and groans louder. Naruto just grins. "Noooo!" she whines. "This is so embarrassing."

He chuckles. "I'll say. Legendary Sakura Haruno, passed out in the field because she hit her head on a rock." Although, the smile fades a bit when he looks up and sees a patch of grass stained maroon from her blood. "You okay?"

She runs her tongue along her teeth, smacking her lips together a few times—they're incredibly chapped. "More or less. I'm a little disoriented."

He nods, and recalls what she's taught him in the past about concussions. "Quiz time."

"Gross. No. If I wanted to take tests, I'd go back to the academy."

He settles closer to her on the ground, reaching around to try and help her sit up in the grass. "But it's your favorite subject!" He puts the cloth on top of her head. "You!"

When she reaches out and tries to pinch his arm, it's pretty far off from her regular target, which makes Naruto think she might have hit her head a little harder than he thought. "What's your name?" He asks, and already, she hesitates.

"…Sakura."

"Sakura, what?"

"….Aw, hell."

"I just  _told_  you."

"Like I listen to you."

"What's  _my_  name?"

His name comes much quicker to her. "Naruto."

"Good," he smiles. "But that one's easy, everyone knows my name." He dodges a second pinch. "How old are you?"

"Old enough to know someone should have taken me to the hospital by now." She kicks her legs a bit like a child throwing a tantrum. "Help meeeeee."

"I will, I will," he acquiesces, taking both her hands in hers. "But let's see if you can stand up first."

It takes a while but eventually Naruto gets Sakura to her feet. She wobbles and sways and her eyes definitely look like they've been rattled about in her head; she can't really hone in on anything. "You okay?" He asks a little more softly this time when he hands reach out to steady herself on his chest.

"Can't walk," she admits with a groan, eyes fluttering shut. "Everything is spinning."

Naruto turns around and kneels on the ground, arms behind his back to help her climb on. "I'll give you a lift if you promise not to puke on my head."

She jumps on his back, arms circling loosely around his neck as he stand straight and starts a slow and gentle walk all the way to the other side of town. "No promises," she mumbles in a tone that has Naruto thinks she might  _actually_ puke on his head.

As they walk he feels something seep into his shoulder, and he knows it isn't water. "Is your head still bleeding?"

"Yeah," Sakura sighs. "Tsunade will have to sew it up."

"Does it hurt?"

"I've had worse…." She hisses in a sharp breath. "…I think."

He hoists her higher up on his back. "Here, I'll get those memories churning. Let's see. Your are Sakura Haruno. Top Medic. Always tired. Snarky. Closest slob. Last week you got drunk and cut all the left sleeves off of Sasuke's shirts because, quote, 'I need new dishrags and it's not like he was using them.'"

"…Huh. I don't remember that."

"Well, you didn't remember it before you hit your head, so I'm not all that surprised—hey, are you  _biting my ear?_ Cut that out!"

 

* * *

 

When they finally arrive at the hospital, they find Sasuke already in the room assigned to Sakura. While she was still on his back, he could picture her annoyed face when she greeted Sasuke with a, "Thanks for leaving me in a field with a scared genin, shithead."

Naruto sets her down on the hospital bed before he hops up beside her. Sasuke looks nonplussed from his seat across the room. "I went to get help. I couldn't carry you." He eyes Naruto. "Did she call me shithead because I'm a shithead or because she doesn't remember my name?"

"Both," Naruto and Sakura say simultaneously, and a grin tugs at both their cheeks. But Naruto wants to double check. "Glad you at least remember who he is."

"Of course. He's my teammate."

"Okay, but what's our shithead teammate's name?"

"Sai—I mean! Sasuke!"

Naruto laughs. He laughs until he cries.

Sasuke gets up and saunters across the room to stand in front of her, placing a very gentle palm atop the uninjured part of her head. "Sasuke," he corrects.

"Right, I know, I was just messing with you." her face contorts into skepticism as she looks him up and down. "Wait, have you always been wearing that?"

"Yes. Why?"

She wrinkles her nose, frowning, "You look  _homeless._ God, what's with your hair?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes and pats her head for good measure. "Don't worry, we'll get your head screwed back on properly."

When she tries to kick him, she misses.

There's a knock on the door before Tsunade walks in, looking annoyed before the whole thing even began. "Heard my prized student fell and hit her head on a stupid rock."

Sakura pouts and nods her head sadly. "Fix me, Tsunade-sama."

"She's got brain damage," Naruto tacks on woefully. "She couldn't remember her name, or Sasuke's. She remembered mine though, of course."

Tsunade rolls her eyes as she goes over and stars performing a basic neurological exam on Sakura—testing her reflexes, her hearing, her vision, the works. "She'll be fine. It's just the concussion. Although," she grimaces when looking at the wound on Sakura's head. "You'd be wise to make sure she doesn't rack up anymore. Otherwise she might seriously get brain damage at this rate."

Naruto doesn't remember Sakura having a concussion at any point in his life. "Wait, how many concussions has she had?"

"Five," Sakura blurts out, apparently quick to prove she wasn't brain dead "No, wait, six? Yeah, six."

_"_ _Six?"_ Sasuke asks incredulously, looking at Tsunade for confirmation.

"Officially, yeah. Maybe more. Training with me is no picnic, boys," and Sakura nods in agreement, smile and all.

"She threw rocks at me," Sakura declares, as if that's not horrifying.

Tsunade stiches her up and declares her more or less not brain dead, and that the boys should have fun with her off state for the next 24 hours while they keep her awake. Naruto doesn't know if  _fun_ is the right word but when they all try to get up and leave, Sakura misjudges the space around her and walks into the door frame and the whole spectacle makes even Sasuke laugh; she tries kicking him again, only this time she doesn't miss.

Maybe it will be fun after all.

She rubs her head, scowling, as Sasuke steers her out the door; his arm comes to wrap around her shoulder as he leads her down the elevator, Naruto hot on their tail. While they wait for the elevator, Sakura turns around and stares at Sasuke, like  _really_ stares at him before she reaches up and nearly pokes him in the eye. "Your eyes…."

Sasuke glances up at Naruto, who's stifling some rather girlish giggling. "Yes, these are my eyes."

Her wonderment deflates for a second to make room for that snark Naruto mentioned earlier. "I thought they were Itachi's."

Naruto's laugh is caught between a gasp and a snort.

He pats Sakura's head again. "They're mine now. And they're not nearly as pretty a color as Naruto's. Go stare deeply into his or whatever it is you're doing."

"Okay, dude, don't ever say my eyes are pretty ever again."

Sakura looks over her shoulder and shrugs. "Sasuke's right. Your eyes are very pretty. Not as pretty as mine though, but still, very pretty."

Naruto puts his hand over his heart in a dramatic gesture. "Awwww! Thank you, Sakura!"

The elevator door opens and they wait for a nurse to wheel out an old man in a wheel chair. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare," she tells Sasuke, "I just thought…" she squints as they get on the elevator. "I thought your eyes changed color. I'm picturing like, one of the Inuzuka's ninja dogs and I don't know…why."

Sasuke could have easily reminded her about his mismatched, Siberian husky eyes with his words, but he decides it would be way more amusing just to show her. He closes his eyes for a few moments and when he opens them he asks, "Is this what you're thinking of?"

As the elevator door close, Sakura's eyes go wide and she tugs heavily on Naruto's sleeve, slapping against his prosthetic. "Oh my God. Naruto. Naruto, look. Look, look, look, look—"

"Yes, Sakura, I'm looking." How Naruto doesn't laugh is a miracle.

"His eyes!" she hisses, as if it's some big secret. "He's got the….the uh…." She trails off, snapping her fingers in an attempt to recall the word.

"Can't remember, huh?" Sasuke says teasingly, and he turns his nose up just a bit to make her angry, but she'd too focused on her bruised brain.

"Super Sharingan!"

"….close enough."

 

* * *

 

"You have to stay awake. What do you want to do?"

They're walking back to Sakura's apartment, she taking the opportunity to hitch another ride on the Naruto Express (with the sole promise that she does not bite his ear, a promise she breaks 30 seconds in). She idly kicks her feet and spins her ankles and Naruto pretends it isn't annoying how her feet keep banging into his thighs (her heeled boots hurt).

She looks down and briefly tries to ruffle Sasuke's hair before Naruto has to hoist her higher to keep her from falling down. "You'll stay up with me?"

"Someone's got to," Sasuke shrugs. "God knows Naruto will fall asleep."

"Hey!"

Sakura hums, ignoring their little spat. "Let's see. What's Kakashi doing?"

Sasuke shakes his head and says he doesn't know while Naruto informs her that, "It's puppy washing day."

Immediately, Naruto has to grip Sakura's thighs as she almost falls off in her excitement. "Let's do that! Let's go wash the puppies!"

Naruto is quick to agree, but Sasuke isn't too keen on the idea. "If we show up, he'll just rope us into washing all of his dogs for him. Again."

"I don't mind! We have to do something to keep us awake."

"You." Sasuke corrects. " _You_ have to stay awake." He nudges Naruto and says, "Maybe we should just drop her off and let Kakashi deal with her…"

He plays along. "True….there's plenty of Hokage stuff I could do— _Sakura if you bite my ear one more time I swear to God."_

"C'mon!" Sakura pleads, wrapping her arms a little more snuggly around Naruto's neck as she dips her head to rest on his shoulder. "We haven't hung out with Kakashi in forever! Or Pakkun, for that matter."

Now that she's close enough Sasuke reaches up and tugs at a strand of her hair. "Because who wants to hang out with a bunch of smelly dogs?"

Naruto's grin is absolutely devious, and Sakura's isn't far from that, either. "Well, Sakura and I hang out with you, don't we?"

"You're both awful and I hate you."

 

* * *

 

"Pakkun!"

Naruto finally sets Sakura down on the field and she immediately sprawls out in the warm grass as Pakkun walks over and steps on her chest to get an ear scratching out of her. "Haven't seen you in a long time," Pakkun smiles at her. "It's nice to see you."

"How you doin' buddy?" she coos just as she feels a light mist spray over her face. She looks up and sees Kakashi offering a small wave and a masked smile before he's flinching away from Bull, who shakes the water from his fur in a grand spectacle. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Sasuke taking a step back, frowning.

"It's so nice of my students to come and help me wash the dogs," Kakashi says, reaching into a soapy bucket and producing three more sponges. Sakura and her teammates decide the old man counts on them to show up when he wants way too often.

"Hello to you too, Kakashi," Naruto laughs, but he accepts the sponge anyway. He whistles for Uhei to come over before he begins an amusing chase with a bucket of water around the open field Kakashi's managed to use to wash all these dogs.

Kakashi is patient while he waits for Sasuke to grab his sponge; it takes a few moments but eventually Sasuke complies with a roll of his eyes and some murmured complaint not even their trained ears can catch before he tries to approach Biscuit in hopes of not getting his other hand bitten off. "To what do I owe this visit?" Kakashi asks, and he throws the last spare soapy sponge right in Sakura's face.

She wouldn't have been so upset had it not been for the dog fur that clings to the sponge and gets in her mouth. Sakura throws it right back, but it barely grazes his shoulder. "I hit my head," and she pointed to a patch of her pink hair that still had flecks of dry blood on it.

"Hmm, I see. I'm no doctor, but I think the best medicine for that sort of thing is rest."

"Not when you have to stay awake for 24 hours," she pouts, leaning up on her elbows in the grass. "I need something to do."

He smiles, eyes crinkling into little half-moons. "I'll take what I can get." And he gives her the sponge back again, this time placing it gently in her hand, complete with a soapy pat to her head.

She gets to work on Pakkun, enjoying the conversation as she lathers the dog up—it's unscented shampoo, she notices, and she's glad Kakashi finally listened to her when she told him dogs should not smell like spices or lavender or whatever.

When she's done, she looks around for the hose before her bruises brain catches up and reminds her that they're in an open field. "Kakashi? How are you rinsing the dogs off?"

He doesn't look up from where he's scrubbing behind Shiba's ear. "Are you done?"

"Yeah, but I don't see a bucket with clean water—KAKASHI."

Her former teacher did a few quick seals before a waterfall appeared, dumping both her and Pakkun in water, drenching her from head to toe.

"Asshole."

 

* * *

 

"It's so  _hot."_

Naruto shares a concerned look with Sasuke before he kneels down beside Sakura, trying to get her to move her arm that's laid across her eyes. "It's barely 80 degrees out, and you're still damp," he puts the back of his hand to Sakura's forehead like he's seen her do for countless others. "Are you feeling alright?"

"No," Sakura pouts. "I'm hot."

Naruto grins. "I'll say," and he winks, which leads to Sakura shoving him back down in the damp grass. "Are you sick?"

Sasuke sits on the ground too, although he seems to be aware of the concept of personal space. "Maybe she picked up an infection."

"Maybe," Naruto growls, "If you hadn't just left her in a dirty field with an open wound, she wouldn't have an infection,  _Sasuke."_

Kakashi wrings out his towel after he finishes drying the last of the dogs. "You left her in a field?" he asks, tone curious.

"I couldn't  _carry_ her—" he stops, groaning loudly. "Does she have a fever?"

Naruto looks bewildered. "How should I know? Sakura's the doctor, not me." He turns to her and asks, "Do you have a fever?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes, thunks Naruto on the back of the head. "Idiot. You just checked." He scoots forward in the grass and leans over Sakura, placing the back of his hand on Sakura's forehead, just like Naruto had a moment ago. "You do feel a bit warm."

Swatting his hand away, Sakura informs that, "Your technique is arbitrary."

Sasuke retracts his hand while Naruto gives a puzzled look. "Uh….?"

"Rudimentary," Sasuke supplies as a substitute, but Naruto still isn't getting it. "Oh, for fuck's sake, are you serious?"

"Stop using big words!"

"My bad, Dead Last."

Before a fist fight can break out, Sakura decides it's best she just shut it down and interfere. "The hand thing doesn't work. You gotta give a kiss."

Naruto's anger melts instantly with the mention of a kiss. "Kiss? What's a kiss got to do with anything?"

"Well, human's lips are at a better stable temperature than the hands, so it's better to—Mmphh!"

Naruto leans down and pecks her swiftly on the mouth, loud pop and all. "I don't know about a fever, but you're definitely dehydrated. Your lips are chapped."

"Naruto!"

"What? They are!"

"I didn't mean a kiss on my mouth," she says slowly, and his face turns bright red in embarrassment. "Forehead. You kiss the forehead to see if it's warm."

His blush dissipates and he sighs knowingly. "Ahhh, I see!" And he leans forward this time, slower, and presses a much softer kiss to her forehead. "Hmmm. Still a bit warm, but I'm not sure if I'd call it a fever." Naruto turns his head and looks at Sasuke teasingly. "What do you think, Sasuke?"

Sasuke goes rigid. "Naruto—"

"Yeah, Sasuke!" Sakura joins in on the teasing. "Come check."

He nods his head Naruto's way. "Just let him check again."

"Nu-uh, won't do," Naruto shakes his head. "We need your  _genius_ expertise over here. After all I'm only  _Dead Last_ , right, Sasuke?"

Sasuke rolls his eyes and edges closer to her, leaning down to kiss her forehead in the way a shy kid kisses his mother and doesn't want anyone to see. "You feel fine to me," he mumbles.

Sakura waggles her eyebrows. "I'm  _fine_ am I? Tell me, just how fine am I?"

He rolls his eyes yet again and flicks some of her bangs out of her face. "Annoying is more like it."

Before Sakura can get a retort in Naruto cups his hands and shouts, "Oi! Kakashi Senseeiiiiiii! Come over here and kiss Sakura!"

Kakashi says goodbye to Pakkun and the other dogs before he walks over at this annoyingly slow pace, hands shoved in the pockets of his baggy pants. "I always had a feeling you were hot for teacher," Kakashi teases.

"Hah, you wish!" She laughs lightly as Kakashi sits in the grass with them, even going as far as to pull her head up to rest on his legs. "I might have a fever," she explains, tiredly.

She hears him cluck his tongue. "My, my, a fever and a concussion? It's been quite an eventful day for you."

"Me and Sasuke already tried to check to see if she had a fever but we wanted  _your_ opinion."

Kakashi does as her other teammates did earlier; a hand to her forehead. "You feel just fine to me, Sakura."

"No, that's wrong!" Naruto yells a little too loudly in his excitement of what he thinks he might be able to pull off. "Sakura says that technique is supplementary—"

"—rudimentary!—"

"—and you have to kiss her forehead to check!"

Their teacher quirks a brow. "Oh? Is that all?" He looks down at Sakura and smiles. "I can do that," and he leans down and kisses her forehead through the cloth of his mask, right over her seal.

All three former students groan.

"What?" Kakashi asks, scratching the back of his head. "I know I'm getting a bit old, but I'm fairly certain that was her forehead."

Naruto's up and on his feet at this point, determined to peel Kakashi's mask off with his bare hands if he has to. "No, it only works if you kiss her with your lips!"

"I did."

"Your lips minus the mask," Sasuke explains needlessly, and Sakura finds it cute to see that even he's getting worked up about this too. "Do it properly."

He shrugs. "Okay," and starts to finger at the edges of his mask.

Naruto and Sasuke, both so caught up in the prospect of seeing Kakashi unmasked fail to completely see how Bull and the other seven dogs escape the leashes and run towards them at full speed—they all knock straight into both Naruto and Sasuke, sending them sprawling in the grass as they lick crazily all over their faces.

"No, Bull, get off!"

"Shiba, cut it out!"

The ordeal lasts just long enough for Kakashi to slip his mask underneath his chin and press a chaste kiss to Sakura's forehead. "A little warm indeed. Maybe we should get you out of the sun."

There isn't time for Sakura to actually care that she might have a fever. She's too busy being absolutely  _stunned._ "You're beautiful," she whispered, and when she tries to touch the soft skin of his lips he pulls the mask back over his mouth.

"So you  _are_ hot for teacher."

"You're literally so beautiful it's not fair."

Naruto recovers first, sitting up in the grass, his short hair considerably ruffled with dog slobber, but looks rather tame compared to Sasuke's. "Sakura! Did you see it! Did you see his face?"

Sakura looks at them, wide-eyed. "He's beautiful."

Sasuke looks rather unhappy about missing out on the whole ordeal. "How beautiful could he really be."

Her eyes feel heavy, but she tries to attribute the right words for what she's just seen. "Like one day I might have a child. And I will hold that child in my arms. And I'll think to myself, 'my child is beautiful, but not nearly as beautiful as Kakashi.'"

Naruto's whines. "This isn't fair! How come Sakura got to see?"

"Because she has a boo-boo head," Kakashi explains, "And she won't even remember it come morning."

Sasuke scowls. "What do you mean?" and Kakashi points to a sleeping Sakura.

"…. _she's asleep!?"_ Naruto squawks. "We're supposed to be keeping her awake!"

"Well, you've not done a very good job then, have you?"

"Both of you," Naruto declares, pointing his finger back and forth between Sasuke and Kakashi. "Are terrible. Leaving her in fields and letting her fall asleep. I'm taking her home," he says, picking her off the ground and cradling her against his chest. "and if she has  _any_ brain damage upon waking up, both of you are getting kicked out of the village for  _forever."_

Sasuke and Kakashi watch as Naruto stomps off, grumbling and mumbling to himself before Sasuke makes a lazy attempt to follow. "I better make sure he doesn't accidentally drop her or anything," he mumbles.

"Good luck catching her with one arm!" Kakashi calls, and Sasuke appreciates that he only needs one arm to throw his good-for-nothing teacher the middle finger.


End file.
